Spring Ball - It Stinks So Good

Ahhhh…you smell that? The sharp scent of freshly-cut grass, the delicate aroma of flowers waking from their winter slumber, and the wonderful odor of perspiration and mold seeping from your Blue Chip red-shirt freshman linebacker destroying the sled with his 6’2, 245 lb. frame and 4.6 speed, as part of spring drills. In the words of the great Brian Fantana, “That’s the smell of desire, my lady."

You’re damn right, Mr. Fantana. The pungent, nostril-burning smell of desire was clearly in the air and on display over the past few weeks as college football programs held their closely monitored, NCAA-regulated officially-unofficial spring drills. And what would be spring drills without the annual “blue-gold”, “red-white”, “burnt orange-soft cream” games. It is at these well-scripted, minimal contact, we’re-not-going-to-show-you-a-damn-thing scrimmages that hope blooms for alums, renewed scrutiny sets in for coaches, and cheerleaders[1] realize that fans only care about back-flips and chants if they’ve been sucking down Jack & Cokes for the past six hours.

The other beauty of spring games is the media projections for the fall. Which program is on the rise? Which program has the most holes to fill? Which QB will take over the reins? Which conference will flex the most muscle? Which conference will most resemble a limp hand shake? (Pssst…here’s a hint…its initials are Big 10). And let’s not forget the pre-season Top 25 rankings. Mr. Stewart Mandel, college football columnist at SI.com, has put together his ranking of Top 25 teams coming out of spring drills. Now, we at MWC enjoy reading the musings of Mr. Mandel, but there are a couple of counterpoints we would like to express. So over the next couple of weeks, Bone, Rocca and I will dissect his list by conference. Bone and Rocca will offer up their insight on the ACC, SEC and other conferences benefitting from the blatantly obvious east-coast bias, while I’ll cover the Pac-10, that little school in the Midwest called Notre Dame[2], and other football programs west of the Mississippi…since no one else seems to care. Except for our boy, Musburger. Godspeed, Brent.

Next stop: Pac-10 country. Where speed grows on trees and QB’s party with Paris.

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(1) Arizona State eliminated its cheerleading program this week because of “racy” photos that surfaced online. I’m not going to get into whether these photos merit the death sentence or not. But as a Pac-10 guy, I do want to ask you to join me in a moment of silence….….sigh………we’ve lost a good one, today. Party in Peace, ASU cheerleaders…your legacy will not be forgotten.

(2) Yes, I said Notre Dame, damnit. They will return to glory this year. If you don’t agree with me, and many of you sinners don’t, let me throw this out: is it merely a coincidence that Pope Benedict made his first trip to the U.S. after Notre Dame’s worst season in school history? HELL NO! (Pardon the language, your Excellency). Come on, even The Vatican wants the program resurrected, and who better to communicate a new game plan for the Irish than His Holiness…so what if he’s German. I have no doubt that during the Pope’s U.S. tour, Charlie Weis and AD Kevin White received a little additional “blessing” that will carry over to the season. Don’t believe me? Then just watch what happens when those heathens from Michigan take the field in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus. I’m not going to say it will mirror prophecy from the Book of Revelations, but let’s just say I’m not ruling it out.