Brent Musburger - The Man, The Myth, The History

I'm going to be honest: Brent Musburger isn't my favorite person. He's been torturing sports fans for many years now, practicing his black arts over the airwaves and causing many a college football fan to consider stabbing himself in the eye during games. Musburger chooses sides before a game even starts (usually openly cheering for either Ohio State, the next closest Big 10 school, or the school with the higher profile coach), gets overly excited about every single thing that happens in the game, and pounds you with his cheeseball folkisms. Here, with some assistance from Wikipedia, I have assembled a brief history of the dark Brent Musburger era.

1968 - In a newspaper column, Musburger refers to US olympians Tommie Smith and John Carlos as "black-skinned storm stroopers" after they give the Black Power salute at the olympic awards ceremony. Stay classy, Brent.

1980 - Musburger gets into a well-publicized brawl with Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder in a New York bar, likely while playing an early version of the Brent Musburger Drinking Game. The Greek apparently took exception to being the "pardner."

1990 - CBS finally fires Musburger, and though Brent will soon resurface at ABC, at least CBS ends Musburger's unholy NCAA Tournament work with college hoops prince of darkness Billy "Solid Screen" Packer. "Folks", if you don't remember Musburger working side-by-side with Packer, you are lucky.

1996 - During the Big 12 Championship Game, Musburger inexplicably refers to Nebraska RB DeAngelo Evans only as "DeAngelo" the entire game, perhaps mistaking him for the R&B singer. Meanwhile he refers to Texas RB Priest Holmes as "The Priest." This sets the stage for...

1998 - ...Major Applewhite's arrival in Texas, starting the era of Musburger calling him "The Major", destined to become a central facet of the Brent Musburger Drinking Game.

2005 - The police spot Musburger boozing it up in a car after the Pitt-Nebraska game, but instead of finally locking the man up for his years of crimes against human broadcasting decency, they only give him a citation.

2006 - Musburger's head nearly explodes as he is forced to call a Fiesta Bowl matchup
between his first love, Ohio State, and his second love, Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis. Musburger hesitates in choosing a side during the first half - Ohio State is winning, but Brent keeps cautioning us that a "professional" coach like Weis will surely make fast adjustments. In the second half, with Weis unable to defeat the Buckeyes with his mind, Musburger finally converts to his usual habit of openly rooting for Ohio State and thus avoids a nervous breakdown.

2006 - Musburger's tenure with Gary Danielson ends, sadly removing "Gary, my man" from the Brent Musburger Drinking Game.

2006 - Musburger causes a controversy by revealing secret USC hand signals during the broadcast of a Nebraska-USC game. Apparently Musburger was trying to add these hand signals to the Brent Musburger Drinking Game, and you can't fault him for that.

2006/2007 - Musburger is paired with a new "pardner", fellow Ohio State sympathizer Kirk Herbstreit, forcing college football fans to listen to two Ohio State fans during ABC Saturday night broadcasts. Herbstreit, at least, keeps his support of the Buckeyes to a minimum, most of the time.